I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
