We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's blow job season.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
