I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
