Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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