I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
