No awkward lesbian experiences without me
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
