I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
