I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
