Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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