chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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