Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
