HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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