Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
