We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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