Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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