what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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