hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
