this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
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He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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