I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
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He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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