I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
