If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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