dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it's like iHOP with fire
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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