my mouth tastes like poor choices
farters have to be the big spoon...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
