i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
