Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
