HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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