You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
