He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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