i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
