I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
