Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
