I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
