haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
