meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
