just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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