she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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