I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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