this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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