would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
