i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
