Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
