i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
