How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
