You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
