Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
