I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
