By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
