The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
