Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
