He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
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You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
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The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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