Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
