what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
