Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
