I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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