We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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