the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
