I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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