the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
