Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
