Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
