tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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