weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
