I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
