I am in a vortex of obligation.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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