yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you had me at cake vodka
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize