I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
