if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
