Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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