I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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