Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
