Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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