the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My life is pants optional.
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