Nicole vs. Life
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
