You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
