Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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