you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
