# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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