Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
