I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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